In The Enemy's Terrain
by orchidork
Summary: Edward Cullen is a gangster in Carlisle's mafia. Bella Swan is a high school English teacher. What happens when their lives collide? rated M for violence and angst. AH AU E
1. his life

**i know i shouldn't be putting up another story but when i thought of this, the idea wouldn't go away. this isn't like other fan fiction i've written so please let me know what you think of this.**

**disclaimer- twilight, new moon, eclipse and breaking dawn belong to stephenie meyer**

Edward's hand skillfully twisted around the man's neck as his grip tightened. He grinned mercilessly at the man's fearful face, his smile widening with every fight put up by the young man's weakness. The man's pulse slowed but he continued to thrash his feet, lashing out at Edward whose legs seemed unaffected by the harsh kicks. Eventually, the man stilled and in case he did decide to wake up from his unconscious state, Edward made sure to snap his neck just before smoothly walking away. The man fell against the brick building with an audible crash.

It got easier every time.

"We have to get going or else Jasper's going to be furious," Emmett called as Edward lingered a while longer to admire his work.

With a nod and a roll of his eyes, Edward strolled past Emmett through the slums of downtown New York. He made sure that he was a safe distance away from his burly brother before asking the question that was annoyingly nagging him.

"How long?" Edward asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. He made sure to keep his expression stoic just the way he had been taught.

Emmett glanced at his watch with a frustrated sigh as he slowed his pace. The kid was good without a doubt and he knew it. More accurate and a lot faster than Mike Newton or Tyler Crowley although telling Edward Cullen that would only be a boost to his inflated ego. He didn't need to know how much Carlisle praised him behind his back. It would only come back to bite him later.

"Exactly ninety seconds. You're getting better and progressing a lot faster than the rest of us," Emmett stated. "So congratulations."

Edward only shrugged his shoulders, his stoic expression morphing into a smug smile.

Being a part of Carlisle Cullen's mafia hadn't been his original intention. It didn't matter though. Whatever gave him a place to live and food to eat was worth risking his life for. So what if his dream to become a soldier hadn't come true? Or that he wasn't going to be the doctor his biological father had made him promise to be? At least he was living, wasn't he? Nothing else mattered more than that fact. Carlisle was his father now and he'd given Edward a piano.

Edward listened as Emmett discussed the events of his day of action not that Edward really cared about what went on in Emmett's life. Apparently he'd met a woman named Rosalie Hale whose friend, Royce King, was also a part of some other known mafia in New York.

"She says she likes the dangerous ones before she left. Can you believe that?" Emmett beamed. "And she said it in such a way that-"

"What's for dinner?" Edward asked not bothering to consider the hurt look on Emmett's face.

Honestly, feeling emotional about what he had been taught and trained to do was the first step Carlisle had told him to avoid and he was going to be successful at that. He didn't care if Emmett was upset with him. What did it matter anyway? Sooner or later, they were all going to get caught by the cops or mauled by James' cronies. It wasn't as if Rosalie Hale was ever going to see him again either.

If he were being honest with himself though, he would have to tell himself that his attitude toward something that clearly made Emmett happy wasn't something to be proud about. Emmett and Jasper were like his own brothers even if they didn't share the same blood. He had known them for the last five years of his twenty six years of living. He was closer to them than he was with any of his friends from school or even with the mother who had given birth to him.

In the end, he knew that they would all turn away from him just the way he would walk out of their lives without a second glance at Esme's comforting gaze.

Emmett's answer was subdued. "I think Esme made roast beef tonight."

Edward made a face but didn't complain. Esme wouldn't have liked that Carlisle definitely wouldn't have tolerated that. Instead, he halted his trek and glared up at the sky into the skyscraper where Edward Senior used to work almost ten years ago. Morris and Doone's Law Firm, it said in glowing neon red letters.

"After Dad's death, life still goes on doesn't it?" he asked to no one in particular.

"After anyone's death actually," Emmett corrected from behind him. "And it'll continue that way until the end of time."

"I wonder what he would think if he knew that a man like Carlisle adopted me. He'd have a heart attack, that's for sure." Edward let out a quiet laugh. He turned to study Emmett's expression and quickly added, "Not that I care."

"You're a smart kid, Edward. Try not to say stuff like that in front of Carlisle. In fact, try not to say anything like that at all no matter who you're around."

Edward nodded, knowing all too well what Emmett was talking about. He'd once seen Mike complaining about working for Carlisle. The next thing he knew, Jasper was getting a pat on the shoulder while Mike was dangling upside down for twenty straight hours on a metal pole.

It was silent again with both men lost in their thoughts. Again Edward studied Emmett's features. Emmett had been quiet for quite a while lately. His voice no longer boomed with laughter when he talked and his blue eyes didn't shine in excitement at the next "mission" set by Carlisle. Instead, he looked lifeless, almost dead.

"What's the matter?" Edward's tone was casual. When Emmett didn't answer he added, "What did Alice say to you this time?"

Emmett winced and immediately, his face reddened with blood. "You wanna head to the bar before dinner?"

Nodding slightly, Edward turned away from the giant building. Why he was thinking of his dad, he had no idea. It would be the first time in three years. A feeling of sudden dread washed through him so Edward distracted himself.

"I don't drink but if that's what you had in mind, then I'm all for it."

"Thanks." Again Emmett blushed.

Realizing that Edward was staring incredulously at the blood in his cheeks, Emmett hastily diverted the attention from himself. "Why don't you drink again?"

If Emmett was too uncomfortable discussing himself, then Edward wouldn't mind deflecting his own interest away from his brother. Edward decided to go for the truth. Maybe Emmett would tell Carlisle what Edward had to say and then he would get even more praise. The thought almost made him smirk.

"Dad died of alcohol poisoning some years back and I thought that if I were to die, it would be because of a nobler cause. Maybe a bullet to the chest I suppose. I'd do anything for Carlisle so I would prefer dying as a martyr, you could say.

We weren't talking about me, though. We were discussing you."

Emmett's eyes widened at the intensity and the sincerity behind Edward's words. The boy was selfless whereas he was not. With another bout of blood rushing through his cheeks came humiliation.

Edward couldn't help but be amused. Since when did women have such an effect on Emmett McCarty? Since when did he ever care? "Is that your game plan? Drink all your troubles away since you don't think you have a shot with this Rosalie Hale?"

"How'd you know?" Emmett mumbled.

The last thing Edward wanted was to admit he knew Emmett better than he knew himself. In Carlisle's family no one was allowed to express their feelings unless it was to their respective mates, whether it was inside the house or not. There were, of course, times when they did slip and right now, Edward had to fight the urge to not pat Emmett on the back.

The only thing he could do was shrug.

For the next few minutes as they slowly trudged toward Edward's prized silver Volvo, Edward had a distinct feeling of being watched. That wasn't anything new, though. He always felt that way. He was other mafias' target since Carlisle cherished him above his other children. Edward Cullen was the best and it made sense to get him out of the way first before slaying the rest of the Cullen clan.

He glimpsed at his watch. It was a quarter to nine. If Jasper hadn't been furious before then he was certainly now.

After some wary glances at Emmett's hulking form, Edward made it to his car.

It was a cool November night. The wind was calm but leaves still fluttered to the ground into the puddles left by the afternoon's rain. Dead leaves lying about everywhere he looked just like the man he'd left unconscious against the building. The remains of both would be gone in the morning.

"I don't have all night," Edward seethed.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming. Don't get all Edwardish on me," Emmett bit back. "Have some patience."

Drumming his fingers on the hood of the car, Edward waited as patiently as he could while Emmett took his time. It was getting late and he was sure his phone would be vibrating in the pocket of his jeans any minute now.

On cue, his phone hummed. He flipped it open and held it a foot away from his ear.

"_Where are you_?" Even in anger, her voice sounded like chiming bells. "Jasper's on a rampage here and I'm the one who's paying for your stupid mistakes!"

"Don't blame me," Edward shot back. "Emmett's taking his merry time to get to the car. If anything, you should be yelling at him."

"Just… just get home. Esme is missing you both," Alice said in a softer voice.

Edward could practically hear what Alice didn't say. That she was missing them too. That she wanted them to be home. That she wanted them to be the normal family they possibly couldn't pull off.

"Yes Alice. We'll be there," he answered with a resigned sigh.

He shut off the offending phone so that there would be no more calls disturbing him for the rest of the night and turned his attention to Emmett who was leaning against the passenger side of the Volvo.

"I'm waiting," was all he said. Edward almost threw his phone at him in irritation. Deciding against it, he fumbled in the pocket of his leather jacket until he found his keys.

"Did you check the body?" Emmett asked as he wrenched the car door open and ignored the angry glower Edward shot him. "No surface where your fingerprints can be found? No stray hairs?"

"I didn't leave anything behind." Edward pulled the latex gloves off of his fingers and threw them into the backseat of the Volvo. "Right now, I'm not gracious enough to help out the cops and I don't plan on being in the future."

"They say 'there's a first time for everything'," Emmett replied. "You're not perfect."

Edward flashed his infamous crooked grin. "I can be, though."

He put the key into the ignition and waited while the car heated up. Emmett shuffled through the radio stations while Edward stared out the windshield. He watched as a woman appeared out from the corner of the sidewalk. He couldn't see her face but he could tell she was young. Her walk was quick and she stumbled a few times.

She probably had a normal life too, he thought acidly. A normal home with normal friends and a normal family and a normal job with a normal future. She could only be a normal girl living in an extremely abnormal world.

She wrapped the coat around her tightly when the wind's blow became harsh and stumbled again against the stable concrete. Edward grinned widely, wondering what an average woman was doing walking through unsafe streets at this time of night.

Under the amusement Edward was feeling, he had the sudden urge to protect her, to pull her into the backseat of his car so that she could be safe again. When the pretense of being an indifferent gangster became too much for him, the Volvo became his safe haven, his sanctuary, one that he was almost willing to share with this stranger whose face he couldn't even see.

Then, all too quickly, when he heard the sudden outburst of gunshots roaring through the air, Edward could think of only one thing.

"Damn it!" he roared as a bullet nearly missed the car's metal.

Instinctively, he pulled the gun out of the glove compartment and aimed at the men shooting at them from behind.

"It's James' men and there're seven of them!" Emmett informed as he directed his pistol at a scrawny man who fell instantly when Emmett's bullet hit him. "Drive!"

Panicking, Edward frantically pushed on the gas pedal and in blindness, steered the wheel. Emmett's head shot out of the window and he twisted his frame so that he was facing his enemies. His finger pulled the trigger expertly until only three men remained.

Edward's thoughts were only filled with the woman walking by. The car lurched to a sudden stop and he watched in horror as a Hummer jumped out of the street towards him filled with more of James' thugs. He cussed again.

Why did he have to turn off his phone tonight of all nights? Two men were not enough to handle twenty.

"Emmett, call for backup. We can't do this alone." With that, he veered out of the car and into the direction of the woman who had frozen on the street.

He watched her face pale with terror as he grabbed her and pulled her behind a stray car.

"Don't move," he whispered as he targeted his gun at as many men as possible.

The woman nodded her head helplessly and he turned to face her, forgetting that he was in the middle of a fight. She looked oddly relieved when he looked into her face, like she wasn't at all afraid of the fact that her life was in danger and he was partly the cause of it, almost grateful.

Edward's pretense almost crumbled from the expression on her face. No one had ever looked at him like that before, not even before the time he had chosen this path for himself. Why she would even look at him like that, he couldn't imagine but she was and he wasn't about to question it.

As lost as he was, Edward still felt the bullet that had been pelted into his shoulder blade. His hand immediately shot out at the sting on his shoulder that coursed through his entire being like blue flames. His face scrunched in pain and he bit his lips from screaming out an oath.

When he looked back at the woman, the relief from her face was completely gone. Instead, she was looking at his shoulder and the blood covering his hand with her wide brown eyes.

**please leave a review and let me know what you think.**


	2. confusion

**thanks for the awesome reviews. i'm glad you guys enjoyed the first chapter andi'm having a great time writing chapters for this story. please leave a review.**

**disclaimer- twilight, new moon, eclipse and breaking dawn belong to stephenie meyer and so do the characters**

Bella Swan was ordinary. A standard job, a normal home, a typical life and she was willing to do anything to change that. Her day had been the usual routine as it always was. Never a surprise, not even a practical joke played on her from a student that hated her that she could have shared with her coworkers during the lunch hour. Every class period she taught was more boring than the last and every day, she was wishing for some sort of excitement in her life, whether it was an early dismissal due to the weather or an infection going around the school, she didn't care.

The usual and plain humdrum was making her constantly sick to her stomach and today's morning had been no different.

She had awakened in the house that had been gifted to her from her friends in La Push. It wasn't too big but being the house's only resident, she could almost hear her echo reverberating through the air when she occasionally would talk to herself.

After eating her well prepared milk and cereal, she'd dressed in her usual sweatshirt and jeans with her long trench coat pulled on tightly as she left her quiet house and walked the few blocks, despite her violent cold, to the private high school where she worked.

When she had walked into her classroom after shuffling with her keys while her nose ran, she had rushed toward her desk and grabbed several tissues instead of giving any attention to her friend, Jessica Stanley, who had been grinning widely at her without any awareness to Bella's discomfort.

Once she had forcefully blown her nose, Bella had turned her notice to her Art History teaching friend.

"Bella! Guess what?" Jessica didn't wait for her to guess which was typical of her. "Mike asked me out last night! Can you believe it?"

To show Jessica that she had heard her words, she had sniffed and wiped the back of her hand across her nose. She felt too tired to put on her charade as the excited and loyal friend like Jessica deserved.

"That's great and I'm happy for you," she answered lamely. "I hope you both have an awesome time. I heard that Mike's a good person and really fun to be around." She idly wondered whether or not Jessica could hear the dry and uncaring tone of her voice. At least, she'd said enough words to satisfy her friend.

When Jessica didn't seem to notice Bella's lack of enthusiasm, she sighed in relief.

"He's taking me to that new fancy restaurant that just opened on the other side of Manhattan."

Bella had given an absent nod of her head. She had to remind herself that it wasn't Jessica's fault that she never realized Bella wasn't the type of girl who was interested in conferring about men and relationships. Jessica had clearly found the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, although she didn't exactly know him. Who was Bella, though, to reign in on her friend's parade? She had no right but she wasn't one who could empathize.

Discussions about men didn't hold her attention the way debating over Kate's qualities from _Taming of the Shrew_ did with her friend, Angela. She, however, didn't have the courage to tell Jessica she didn't care about her life in fear of hurting her.

After all, there was always someone who kept her happy since that fateful night seven years ago and Jessica was inadvertently doing just that as she kept Bella's mind from wandering back to that horrible memory.

A ringing bell sounded through the classroom door. Sighing, Bella transformed herself into the role of a teacher, hiding who she really was.

She hardly noticed Jessica's warning about staying away from Front Street when she walked home due to the rumored fight that was supposed to take place during the evening. Bella only brushed off Jessica's words. Things like that were being said every hour of every day and she had yet to encounter any gunshots.

She pulled off her coat and hung it on her chair before she sat at her desk, readying the assignment for the class while the students huddled into the room. She watched as Bianca, a definite member of the dance team, lithely strode into the room with a few of her friends and pulled out what looked to be a bottle of nail polish.

Bella instantly recoiled, feeling the phlegm as it clogged her throat. She could already hear her labored breathing and the yell from long ago that she knew she would never hear again.

"Is that nail polish?" she had asked Bianca in an uneasy voice.

The girl's blue eyes trailed from one of her friend's and into that of Bella's pained ones. "Yeah. Why, Miss Swan? Do you want to try it on?"

Bella rushed to get the words out before she hyperventilated, ignoring the disgust from her student's words. "I'm severely allergic to that so could you please put that bottle back into your locker?"

Bianca's annoyed face turned serious as she nodded, all the mirth completely evaporating. "Sorry, Miss Swan. If I had known, I wouldn't have brought it with me." She quickly stood from her chair and pocketed the offending bottle.

Flicking her hand casually as if was no big deal, Bella told the girl to be in her seat before the second bell rang. She actually waited to take attendance until after the girl had walked sheepishly into the room two minutes late.

With another heave of a sigh, she collected the essays that were sure to be written in a way that would make her flinch from each of her six classes. That was a definite indication of what she would be doing for the rest of her night.

But this right now, sitting on the cold concrete with a man holding a gun, was not something that she could have ever predicted in her future. It made that terrible day from her past resurface from the hidden vault where she had securely locked it away and she struggled to hold it back.

While her internal battle raged on, she was aware of the sound of gunshots and the yells of pain. She could almost feel the bullets hitting their victim's body.

The smell of rust and salt persisted around her as every drop of blood fell. Bella could feel the nausea from before rising within her, sure that she was not strong enough to fight it. Bella silently hoped that the man with her wouldn't shoot her if she happened to accidentally vomit on him. She knew she needed anything to distract herself and so, she stared into the man's face, studiously ignoring his shoulder and the hand straining on top of it, not realizing that his man was unabashedly watching her in return.

His green eyes searched her face as if he were looking for answers in hers. His gaze was relentless and it made Bella feel on edge. No one had ever stared at her with such intensity before and she couldn't help but speculate as to what questions were whirling in his mind.

All too soon, the search stopped though, when a bullet nearly missed Bella by a few inches and ricocheted off of a garbage din and dropped uselessly to the hard concrete. The man's probing eyes left her own and masked into a furious glare, his head snapping towards the action. Bella could hear a low growl building in his chest.

He twisted around and fired his gun at a gaunt man who was close to strangling what seemed to be this man's partner. Instantly, the gaunt man's hand dropped from the partner's throat and then she knew the man with her was torn between the indecision of staying with her or supporting in what was now a one man battle against several enemies.

The man's dilemma was short-lived when a silver motorcycle and a Jeep rounded into the street from a sharp turn. The look of uncertainty changed into determination. Bella watched as the torment in the man's eyes slowly subsided until he looked almost… relieved. The vehicles must've belonged to his men, she realized.

Unaware that she was openly staring again, the man's head swiveled back to gaze at her. She felt both surprised and disgusted to see the smirk on his face. He was handsome, there was no doubt, but somehow he was almost ugly to her as well.

The sheer enjoyment as he killed made her sick to her stomach. How could he like that? How could someone not feel guilty about taking another person's life away no matter how much crimes they had committed? But who was she to complain? It was his life at any rate and he could live it any way he wanted to.

A drop of water as it fell onto his cheek and then another onto hers broke Bella away from her musings. This was just perfect. Beyond a doubt, she would have pneumonia by the end of the day with her luck. The sprinkles of rain continued, becoming harsher at one moment in time but even then, the man held her gaze. She could feel herself getting soaked as she examined the blood on his hand covered shoulder being washed away.

Her bag was soaked but nonetheless, she pulled out her handkerchief with her name sewn on in cursive and tied it around the man's shoulder, feeling as if this man owed her something. Then again, though, she decided not to tell him she'd wiped her nose on it earlier.

His eyes rested on her name. "Bella," he whispered in a soft, low voice that almost sounded reverent.

She didn't say anything back to him, feeling confused when her palms started to freeze like ice from hearing the sound of his voice. The feeling was unpleasant.

"Edward." Again, he whispered. "My name is Edward."

Hearing those words escape his mouth, Bella couldn't help but let out a subdued laugh. Of all the things he could say, he just had to introduce himself.

She continued to remain silent and a look of disappointment marred his features. She was willing to bet that he felt almost idiotic for revealing his name to a complete stranger who could tip off the police about him but her intuition told her that that wasn't the case.

Couldn't all of this just end? If only she had just listened to Jessica.

"Do you trust me?" he asked her all of a sudden.

Bella could think of no answer to that.

"I don't know," she answered back slowly, confused at the strange look on his face.

He turned his head when the sound of gunshots dropped. "Well, it doesn't matter. I'm going to try to get you out of here and safely to your home."

At his words, Bella couldn't stop the anger from rising. "Safely? That sounds a bit hypocritical, doesn't it? I don't need someone like _you_ knowing where I live. For all I know, you could murder me next."

Edward flinched back from the biting tone of her voice, his face pained. "I'm sorry for all of this." His apology got lost in the mix of a rumbling thunder.

And then, the gunshots completely stopped as well as the rain. Edward stood from his hiding place from behind the car. His eyes roamed the whole street, making certain that there was no danger any longer. He allowed his eyes to lock on a blond man who was being held against his will by Edward's men.

"James," Edward acknowledged bitterly.

Even as James struggled, he grinned mirthlessly back. "Edward, it's been a long time since I last saw you. Wasn't it at someone's funeral?" He mocked thought. "Oh, yeah, it was your dad. Tell him I said hi when you get to Hell."

Edward's eyes narrowed and his hand clenched into a tight fist which he connected harshly with James' jaw. James spurted out blood from his mouth but he didn't stop smiling maniacally, his teeth shone red. Edward threw a punch at James' stomach.

A scream of pain sounded through the air and a window from a nearby building rumbled shut.

Bella frantically stood at the agonized noise. She knew he could see her there, watching her from his peripheral vision. She turned to stare at Edward as he sadistically pounded the man in front of him.

James, however, only cackled, the echo hurting Bella's ears. It was the single most menacing sound she had ever heard. She could see the blood covering his teeth as he roared with laughter and then there was Edward as he allowed his pistol to violently swipe against James' cheek.

"You're a sinner, Edward. You've committed so many that I hardly doubt you're not going to Hell. That's where you belong along with your father and your mother and Carlisle and the rest of your 'family'. That's where you are destined to go."

No longer able to stand it, Edward forced his gun into James' mouth. His own face crumpled in agony, the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Yet he gritted his teeth and allowed some steel to force itself into his eyes.

Bella watched as he struggled to think. He was fighting back some pain, something that made him almost seem like a young, vulnerable boy, though the failure was clear on his face.

But her own pain, as she watched the scene in front of her, was infinitely worse. This was the second time in her life where she had to witness something like this. Bella pressed her fist into her mouth to keep her own scream from coming out. She bit her knuckles hard when James yelled again.

This time, the nausea didn't come from the blood on her fingers or the blood surging out from the man being tortured.

Bella could think of only one thing that she could do.

"Don't shoot, Edward!" his partner yelled.

He deliberated. Instead of completely removing the gun, Edward pulled it away from James' mouth sluggishly and forced it on his forehead.

"Come on, Edward. Shoot me. Shoot me and get this all over with. You know you've wanted to do this for the past five years and now you have the perfect chance. Don't waste your time but… wait. What would Carlisle think?" James' voice was soft and ominous but the words were enough that Edward pulled away.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Sight," he fumed.

Then, James was being thrown carelessly to the ground by Edward's partner who kicked him vigorously on his stomach. Another yell pierced the air.

Edward, though, didn't care. He turned his attention to where Bella had been standing. With a piercing stab of despair, he realized that she was no longer there.

--

The sun shined obliquely into the white room. The dust motes danced with carelessness around his head as Edward played a melancholic song on his ivory piano. His head rested on the frame and a drop of water fell onto the wood from his wet hair. He felt confused and utterly lost and hopelessly mesmerized.

His thoughts returned to the previous night. Bella's words cut him through and through. It was just so ironic that a man like him could ever try to save someone's life. He couldn't even save his own dad's when he was in medical school so how was he supposed to do that for an innocent woman?

She was right and James was right and that thought made him unbearably sad.

Her face, her words, everything about her stuck with him as if his memory of her became his only memory. The look in her expression brought back the memories from so long ago and he could almost see those events of his past life playing out before his eyes.

This woman, who shouldn't have mattered, just so unfalteringly bemused him that he could think of nothing else. Was he doing wrong? Was Carlisle, his own father, sending him directly through the path that would land him right in the place he was running from?

He could hear Esme, Emmett and Alice whisper about him but he didn't care. All that mattered was the truth and how it had hit him so swiftly and so hard that his breath had been knocked out of him.

"Edward?" a motherly voice asked from behind him. "You haven't had any breakfast. Do you want something to eat?"

Edward closed his eyes and shook his head but he could still feel Esme's presence behind him. He could feel her hands as they rested comfortingly on his shoulders. He could feel her avoiding the gauze there. "What's wrong? You haven't spoken to anyone since you've gotten home."

He shook his head again, unwilling to say even one word.

"I bet it's about that girl," Emmett's voice boomed. "Seriously, Edward. Just because she's the first woman who looks at you-"

"Hypocrite," Edward murmured, thinking back to Rosalie Hale. Then, in a slightly louder volume he said, "And it's not about her. I could care less about that woman."

Lie. Lie. That's all a lie. You're a liar, Edward.

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked, her voice laced with confusion. As if she already didn't know. "What woman?"

"I protected a woman who was at the wrong place at the wrong time, all right? I didn't save her life. She ran away from the scene on her own."

"Well, the past is the past and there's no need to dwell on it. It's not as if you're going to have to witness the woman like that again. Carlisle said that he wanted to talk to you anyway," Alice explained. "He's up in his study now."

Edward nodded and hurried his way to Carlisle's study. Carlisle was waiting for him, sitting at his desk with a smile on his face.

"I heard about last night's events from Emmett," he stated calmly. "You've been doing a lot of thinking." His words weren't a question and Edward didn't ask how Carlisle knew what thoughts were troubling his mind. "You're younger than the rest of us and I, too, questioned many things when I was your age but I've seen a lot of things in my life and I know that what I do is not wrong."

"You're a doctor, Carlisle. You save lives." No need to ask how Carlisle knew he was feeling troubled. The good doctor knew everything about everyone.

"I destroy them as well. Those who commit crimes do not deserve their lives if they don't understand how valuable life actually is."

"But you can't be the judge of that. You don't have the right."

Somehow, Carlisle treasured Edward in a way that was almost irrational. It wasn't only the fact that he was a good fighter but he was a good man too. The thought made Carlisle grin, just about as much as Edward's line of questioning.

Carlisle's eyes sparked with compassion for his son. "Edward, I can try."

Edward's smile didn't reach his eyes but he hoped he understood soon enough what Carlisle was trying to say.

"Now," Carlisle began, his tone businesslike, "let's discuss your duty for the day. I reserved this job for you and no one else."

And just like that, Edward's attention left the girl and his thoughts. Carlisle was a genius, he thought. Once again, he became the man he was before the night's events-uncaring, indifferent and completely irrational, the way Carlisle wanted him to be, the way he was made to be.

**let me know what you think so far**

**happy early new years**


	3. chaos

**thanks for the awesome reviews. i hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

**disclaimer- twilight, new moon, eclipse and breaking dawn belong to stephenie meyer and so do the characters**

Bella walked quickly through the suddenly quiet street with her eyes glancing warily at everything around her, making sure she wasn't being followed. She held her throbbing hand close to her chest, the pain of it incomparable to her own. Gritting her teeth was no use when the tears started to fall from her face. It was irrational and unexpected but it had everything to do with her.

Everything she had run away from, all her nightmares, all the pain was chasing after her and she couldn't bear the thought of fleeing again. It wasn't worth it.

She wanted Renee there again with her as she walked over to the hospital. The fear that enclosed her when she thought about blood and needles wouldn't be washed away this time because Renee was dead as was Charlie. For the first time in six years, she longed to have her parents back in her life to be there for her and comfort her and tell her that everything would be all right.

Nothing would be okay though. This was reality and not life filled with sunshine and daisies and she would have to face it all alone, something she knew she wouldn't be able to handle.

The wind blew again, stinging her hand coated with dry blood. She shivered in her wet clothes. If she wasn't sick before then she was definitely sick now.

She quickly pushed open the door to the hospital that had appeared in front of her out of nowhere. Bella was so lost in her thoughts that she wouldn't have noticed if a car had crashed into her. She could have gone home and tried to clean her wound up while she tried to unsuccessfully to hold the nausea back but she knew that there would be no point. She'd have to go to the hospital regardless.

When she approached the front desk, Mrs. Weber, whom she knew all too well, smiled at her before seeing Bella's wet clothes and her red hand. Sheer concern laced Mrs. Weber's tone when she spoke. "What happened?"

There would be no point in telling the truth. The police wouldn't be able to find Edward and his posse. Somehow, she was aware of the fact that he was the type of person to run from the scene of a crime and he was most certainly a criminal.

"The usual," she said casually. Lying had become a natural instinct for her. "I was watching a movie at home and I got so scared that I didn't even realize I had bitten my knuckles. And then when I was walking here, it started raining and I didn't have an umbrella."

Mrs. Weber nodded, unconvinced. Bella's story lacked the part about the pain and horror in her expression that had nothing to do with watching a scary movie.

"You can do the paperwork after your hand has been wrapped up," Mrs. Weber stated as she walked Bella to the room where she would be treated. "Be safe, Bella. You don't want your recklessness to become a worse hazard than it already is."

"Thanks," she replied, her tone filled with sincerity. She ignored the last part of the statement since it was too late for that.

Bella sat at the examination table, observing all the posters and pamphlets. She could envision Renee standing next to her, wiping her tears away as she whimpered in fear. She was broken away from her memories a few minutes later when she caught sight of the door opening and a tall figure walking gracefully inside.

"Good evening, Bella," greeted a warm voice. Instantly, Bella's mood shifted.

"Hey, Carlisle." She smiled at him.

If there was one thing she liked about the hospital, it had to be her doctor. She'd never met a man as caring and amiable as Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He was one of the few people who didn't suffocate her with his presence. When she'd first met him a few years back, he had insisted on calling him by his first name.

"I haven't seen you here in a while and became worried that your knack for getting into dangerous situations somehow disappeared," he joked, eyeing Bella's wet clothes.

"It was gone for a few weeks but it's back in full force now so you don't have to worry anymore." It was hard to keep the bitterness out of her voice but she managed it.

Carlisle scrutinized her for a few seconds, his face pained. "What's wrong, Bella? I know you didn't tell Mrs. Weber the truth."

Bella held up her injured hand and risked looking at Carlisle's probing and concerned eyes. She knew that if she even chanced a glance at him, every truth would rush out of her mouth. So instead, she went for: "I actually fell and grazed my fingers on concrete. Could you please take a look at them?"

With a sigh, he complied. "I know you would prefer not discussing your personal life with me but you should realize that I consider you to be my daughter. You can tell me anything you want. Falling can happen to anyone but it didn't happen to you this time."

Guilt coursed through Bella's veins. "Carlisle, I'm not comfortable with talking about some things and this just happens to be one of them. I'm sorry if you think I'm evading you. I didn't mean to do that. It's just… things aren't so great." She said the words truthfully, wishing he wouldn't probe her for anymore information.

He beamed widely at her words. "That's quite all right and I hope things get better for you. Now, shall we take a look at your hand?"

"You can if you want but I definitely don't want to." She watched as Carlisle gingerly washed the blood away from her fingers, grinning, and flinched when he put a bit of pressure on her index finger; that hadn't gone unnoticed. When he had dried her hand, her knuckles were a bright red, contrasting with her ivory skin. She felt her nose running and sniffed. Carlisle's head snapped up to look at her face.

"You know," he said conversationally, keeping his tone slow and careful, "it's flu season again and perhaps it would be best to get a shot for that just in case your cold happens to get infinitely worse."

Bella winced at the thought of a needle piercing her skin. "No thanks. I can handle it."

It was silent after that except for Carlisle's steady breathing. A few minutes later, the ringing of his phone broke the stillness. Instead of walking out of the room, Carlisle stood, gave Bella an apologetic smile and flipped open his phone.

Bella tried not to eavesdrop but his voice was loud enough for her to hear everything.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

A man's voice on the other side answered and Carlisle looked mournful. He sighed and shook his head. "I was aware that would happen sooner or later. We all go through it and he's no different."

The man rushed his words. His voice sounded familiar to Bella but she couldn't think of where she'd heard it.

"I will speak to him when I get home. Give him some time to be alone and rest." He shut his phone and placed it back into his pocket. "Sorry about that, Bella. Sometimes, personal life gets in the way."

She waved her unhurt hand in forgiveness as he resumed his task. He was being tender with her while he fit a brace around her index finger like she were a porcelain doll. He told her that she had a fissure there in a collected tone. Something was wrong in his life and yet he looked utterly calm and at peace. If only she could be more like him.

"How can you be like that?" She asked without consulting her brain first. "I know something's wrong but you just act as if everything is fine."

He looked up from her hand and into her bewildered face. A chuckle escaped. "It's nothing I haven't dealt with before. My son has reached a stage in his life where he's become reclusive to everyone around him. He isolates himself from us because he believes he was meant to live a very different life than the one he leads right now."

Bella looked down at her hand, shocked that Carlisle was discussing his son with her. "He'll come around, though. All of my sons have."

She couldn't understand the context of his words. Carlisle was so young. How could he speak like he had ten full grown boys?

Reading her face, he laughed. "I adopt children who have led a tumultuous life and my youngest son has had the worst. I want to give him the experiences of a good and healthy family but he shuns us away. It hurts me when he does that and sometimes, I think he would rather not be in my home but I know that he will never leave. He loves me, my wife, and his brothers and sister too much for that." He chuckled again. "There are times you remind me of him."

Bella asked skeptically, "He's clumsy as well?"

At that, Carlisle's chuckle morphed into contagious laughter. She couldn't help but grin.

"How many kids do you have?" Bella asked and then realized her words sounded rude. "If you don't mind me asking."

"I have four but I think my eldest is looking for a bride as of now so maybe I might have five… or six."

Her mouth seemed to have a mind of its own tonight, so she asked, "Why are you telling me all this?"

Carlisle's smile was wide when he answered. "Because, as I have said before, I consider you to be my daughter and I think my wife would feel the same way if she were to have met you."

Bella mulled that over as he wrapped gauze around her fingers. She realized that he had become somewhat of her dad though no one could ever replace Charlie in her life.

"All finished," he said, patting her hand. "If the brace gets loose, come back and I will put a sturdier one on you. Also, try not to put too much pressure on your fingers. I know that you don't write with your left hand so working won't be much of a problem. If it starts to burn, take some Tylenol and take care of that cold."

Bella nodded and stood. Carlisle gave her a slight wave and strode out of the room.

When she walked home, the sky was dark as pitch. She felt lonely but everywhere her glance rested, Bella could see the city lights and the night teeming with life. She'd never felt the need to have someone accompany her life but right now, she wanted a person there to comfort her, to tell her that all her fears were ridiculous.

In her house, everything was silent. After throwing her clothes into the washer, she took a needed shower and dressed in a long-sleeved tee-shirt along with flannel pants. She was eating her dinner when her phone's ring trilled through the air. She looked at the number glowing on her screen and rolled her eyes.

"What's going on, Jessica?" she asked into the small cell phone.

"Bella? Bella! Finally! I called you five hundred times and you didn't pick up even once. I've been calling you since four and it's eleven now. Is everything all right?" The high pitched voice was panicked. "Why didn't you call me back?"

"Sorry. I didn't even check my phone today," Bella admitted back. "I didn't mean to give you a heart attack."

"Well, you did. Angela called me up to tell me what happened and I literally freaked. You almost ruined my night with Mike. It was supposed to be the best date of my life and then you come along."

Of course, Bella thought indignantly, blame it all on her. "That wasn't my intention. I'm sorry if you feel that way." She wondered if Jessica could hear the steel in her voice.

"Yeah, I know. You're filled with bad luck all the time so I knew it wasn't a big deal. I realized later that I was only overreacting. I didn't give you much thought after that and then had a great time with Mike. He's so amazing!"

Bella allowed herself to feel some malice for her friend, thinking of why she even had a friend like Jessica Stanley. Could Jessica hear the unadulterated cruelty of her words that Bella could definitely hear? "I'm really happy for you."

And then, Jessica launched into the story of her perfect date and her perfect life and her perfect boyfriend. Bella felt sick to her core and was only too eager when Jessica told her she needed to get a good night's rest.

When her house was quiet again, Bella occupied her time and her wandering mind by reading the terrible essays written by her students. After grading several papers that seemed to have been written on the bus right before her class started, her thoughts meandered.

She was sitting on wet concrete with Edward's fearful and apologizing gaze roaming over her face. Then, he was standing and punching a man with anger mixed with every move of his, his face contorting in sadistic ecstasy with every scream tumbling out of the man's mouth.

And her words to him from before came crashing down. Surely, he was mad, maybe even furious at her for her hateful words. Although, she didn't dwell on that for long, when her tired eyes closed and Bella fell into a restless night of sleep.

--

Edward clenched and unclenched his fists. Of all the things Carlisle had proposed for him to do, why did it have to be this? It was shameful and utterly embarrassing.

For several minutes, he stood outside of the building, wondering if it would be a good idea to bring his gun or whether Carlisle would be angry with him if he just ignored the command. His eyes rested on the electric fence and the metal detector. No, there would be no use for the gun. He'd have to use his bare hands today.

With the sun no longer shining, he walked into the building where so many years ago he had been taught by the best of teachers, teachers that would absolutely loathe him today. Nothing had changed and yet everything was different.

The halls were quiet and not one person was in sight. After walking into the front office and feeling slightly uncomfortable, he noticed a young secretary sitting behind a laptop. He caught her staring and a bright blush colored her tan cheeks. Edward resisted the urge to roll his eyes to the ceiling.

"How may I help you?" she asked in a coy tone, her smile wide.

Edward grimaced. He could hear the double entendre of her words. "I was wondering if Principal Greene was in his office."

The secretary's smile faltered. "Oh, yes. He's in his office. Just go straight down this hall and it's the first door to your right."

With a solemn nod towards the agitating woman, Edward walked the familiar path to the principal's office.

His hand hesitated on the silver doorknob but then he decided there would be no point to knock. So instead, he pushed open the door with force, ignored the bemused expression lining Mr. Greene's face, locked the door and sat in the leather chair across from his desk.

The tense silence lasted only for a few seconds before the principal's face glowed with recognition. "Edward, m'boy! What brings you back to your old high school, Mr. Masen?"

Edward disregarded his words to take the time to reach over and shut off the cameras. At once, the principal was nervous.

"It's Cullen now, sir. Edward Cullen."

"What?" He looked terrified. "You're… you're Carlisle's new adopted son? The one he's been boasting about all this time?"

"Does that surprise you? Edward Masen, valedictorian, now lives the life of a thug with New York's most notorious gangster as Edward Cullen. Because it sure as hell was what I had planned all along for my imminent future."

Mr. Greene's eyes were nervous but his words were serious and biting. "What do you want? I'll give it to you and then you can get your hideous self out of my school."

The principal made no attempt at being cordial and that aggravated Edward to no end. No matter what role he played in society now, he still deserved to be spoken with at least some respect.

"I want you to return the money you borrowed from Carlisle. It's been exactly a year and you promised him nine months."

"Look, Cullen. I don't care what I promised your daddy because right now I could care less. I've got more important things to be doing. I've got a life."

Edward grinned, laughing quietly. "You really shouldn't have said that." Then his mood shifted again. "No one, not even the governor, has the right to disrespect Carlisle Cullen like that."

Before Mr. Greene could register what was happening, Edward had lifted him into the air with one hand while the other one clamped his mouth shut. The principal's eyes widened with panic and he kicked his feet at Edward but his motions were useless. In an effortless movement, he had the horrified man pinned against the wall, with his agile fingers gripping the man's throat.

"Even if my life is miserable, at least I learned to become a man because of him," Edward said. "I could kill you right about now but I can't destroy the source that can get me two hundred grand."

Mr. Greene tried to speak but his words caught in his throat. With a hard shove against the principal's framed certificates, Edward threw him mercilessly to the floor. For the first time in his life, he felt an unexpected pang of guilt course through him and he thought about Bella.

Not here, he thought. Not now. Not ever. Carlisle was most important now not some woman who had forced him to rethink everything he had ever learned.

"Just give me one more month, Edward. I promise that I'll have it in by then," Mr. Greene whispered hoarsely.

"I want the money soon, Greene, no matter what kind of recession we're in and it would be best to keep your promise this time. You wouldn't want Carlisle himself visiting you during school hours."

The man nodded meekly, his forehead tinged with sweat. "I never expected such things from you. To disrespect your elders this way… I am in disbelief."

The words were a blow but Edward was careful and an expert at hiding his pain. "I want the money soon," he repeated. "And you won't benefit from calling the cops. They have no proof against me, hence the reason why discontinued the use of your cameras. I suggest you get rid of the tape with me walking into the building."

The principal just stood there with his bulging blue eyes and his red neck as Edward walked out.

As he passed the secretary's desk, she jumped out of her seat and handed him a card. "I'm Tanya and if you ever wanna hang out, call me."

Edward smiled at her crookedly and her eyes glazed over. He decided right there that he wouldn't dispose the card. After all, she could provide him with some entertainment from his repetitive life with a few dates. So he winked at her when he walked out of the front office.

"I won't forget," he called over his shoulder and then there was a distinct shrill of joy piercing the air of the office.

He allowed his feet to carry him out of the building, a smile dancing across his face. It was raining outside now, though that wasn't enough to falter his sudden happiness that no doubt arose from Mr. Greene's alarm and his secretary's flirtatious nature.

Although that had been fun, he wanted to do something that was even more enjoyable. Without a second thought, he pulled out his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number he had never called before.

An all too familiar voice answered. "Principal Greene's office."

"There's a bomb planted on school grounds so I suggest you evacuate the building."

--

Bella heard the screams from the teenagers before she heard the principal's announcement. She was shocked that it was even possible for someone to place a bomb on such a highly protected campus. But, as they always say, there's a first time for everything.

She grabbed her purse and her jacket and towed the hurricane of students around her to the nearest exit closest to her classroom. For some reason, she didn't feel the need to be panicked because the thought that this was all a hoax tugged at the edge of her mind.

Something knocked against her injured hand and as a result, she felt a blinding pain as tears pricked her eyes. Instinctively, she held the hand to her chest.

The principal looked green and guilty as if he had something to do with this. "Miss Swan, I said to evacuate the building in an orderly fashion. If an outsider were to see the chaos of such a prestigious school, think of what they would have to say."

Bella's face reddened with anger. "All that matters right now is to get the students safely away from the building."

Everywhere she looked, there were kids running in all directions, all with tears streaking down their cheeks. Bella could hear the cell phones opening, the screams of fright and even a few prayers. They were all perfectly normal reactions in a situation such as this but what was bothersome was the fact that there were no police officers investigating the case.

When she turned to ask the principal, he was no longer there. In his place was Angela, trying to pull a group of embracing girls away from one another.

"Angela, you get them out and I'll check if there are anymore students lurking around somewhere," Bella instructed.

With a nod of her head, a whispered "be careful" to Bella and a horde of girls following her, Angela was gone and Bella was alone in the abruptly hushed building.

She stood there for what seemed like hours, her face wet. When she heard nothing, the front door burst open and an assembly of uniform clad men sauntered inside. They told her they were from the bomb squad and immediately helped her out of the building.

The rain was merely a sprinkle now and it helped wash the perspiration off her face. For once, she welcomed the cold and the wet. They both aided with clearing her mind. She watched as a group of teachers hugged her tightly and cried on her shoulders. Bella just stood there, knowing no way to comfort them.

She wanted to yell and shake some sense into them. She wanted to tell them that they were all overreacting, that this was all some sick, sadistic prank because no one could've set off a bomb around the building without being caught on camera.

But she couldn't do any of that, for she was looking straight into Edward's smiling face. Not the smirk she'd seen the night before. Instead, his grin was genuine, his eyes shining with happiness, as if he was actually glad to see her there. And the fear and hatred she felt was back in full force for the handsome man standing only a few inches away from her. He was looking at her in a peculiar way, like he had been burning and suddenly the fire had stopped.

Bella felt horribly sick but to her disappointment, she didn't lose consciousness. The words he mouthed, however, made her freeze and listening to them changed her life forever.

"You're next."

**chapters will come faster if you all review because they inspire me to write**


	4. meetings

**my apologies for not having this chapter up earlier when i'd promised so i made this chapter somewhat longer. i promise your questions will be answered in later chapters. i have to thank all of you for the fantastic reviews. keep them coming because they make write faster and longer chapters**

**disclaimer- twilight, new moon, eclipse and breaking dawn belong to stephenie meyer and so do the characters**

An hour after The Incident with Bella, Edward was sitting in the living room of Carlisle's house with his head in his hands. He could hear Emmett yelling at something on the new television but he felt too tired to backhand his brother across the room. He needed to think but right now, his room wasn't the place where he wanted to be. Sighing for what felt like the millionth time, he lifted his head and scowled at Emmett.

"What's got you in such a foul mood?" Emmett asked without taking his eyes off of the screen. "Not that I'm surprised."

For a second, Edward's agitation took the best of him. Payback would be worthless without taunting Emmett first. "I was offered two dates today." He looked at the card that the strawberry blond secretary had given him only an hour and a half ago. "One from a certain Miss Tanya and one from Rosalie Hale."

Stone still, Edward watched for Emmett's reaction, trying to hold back a laugh. He wasn't disappointed when suddenly Emmett's eyes bulged as wide as they would go and he looked as if he would puke. He tried, however unsuccessfully, to hide the pain that was quite prominent on his face.

"Really?" He feigned interest, doing a terrible job at it. "Rosalie Hale, huh? And what did you say?"

"I told her we could go out anytime she wanted. It would be all her decision, of course. I can't decide who I should take out first but if I had to choose, it would definitely be Rosalie."

"Of course," Emmett agreed in a grim tone.

Before Edward could realize anything else, he was suddenly sprawled on his back against the white carpeted floor with a piercing pain at the side of his head. Without a second thought, he stood in front of Emmett's fuming figure, however painfully, resisting the urge to rub the ache away.

"Impressive," he stated. "For a second I thought you were oblivious to your own feelings."

At that, Emmett's eyebrows pulled together but the anger continued to emanate from him. "What are you talking about?"

"Instead of pining for her secretly and acting as if nothing's the matter, go make a move before someone else does. I'm sick and tired of you."

Emmett blushed but didn't falter when he spoke. "You're sick and tired of everyone, Edward. What's new about that?"

Edward didn't answer. Instead, he walked around Emmett and sprinted to the front foyer and out of the house. He could faintly hear Jasper asking, "What's his problem?"

A roll of the eyes was inevitable for Edward.

The wind and cold air did nothing to clear his head. It brought on with it the onslaught of memories of the night before, the night that had mistakenly changed everything for him. Because he was not the man he had been before. He was a different Edward, an Edward that he could reveal to no one.

Slowly, he walked through the crumpled leaves, his hands stuck in the pocket of his jeans with his eyes glued to the cracked concrete in front of him. Where he was going, he had no idea. Wherever his feet led him, he had no choice but to go since they had a mind of their own.

Mindless walking meant thinking. Edward kicked at the gravel and dirt flew in every direction. His life was exactly like that, like crumbs and sand. Just like they had been pushed around, the same thing had been done to him. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. It was hypocritical but it suited him.

He couldn't help but wonder if Bella somehow felt the same way. When he had looked her in the eyes earlier that day, there was an emotion splayed across her features that overshadowed the fear from his vow of revenge. It seemed very obvious what she was feeling for he had the same expression mirrored on his own face countless times. It took him a trip out of the school grounds to realize that she, too, had been through unendurable pain. Because, whether Bella knew it or not, they were both kindred spirits.

However, the last thing he wanted was to bring an innocent woman into his nonexistent life. He knew, though, that their meeting in the past two days hadn't been coincidental. He was off to a bad start with her. For one, he scared her by showing his true identity. And second, he had inadvertently threatened to kill her. Edward tried for the hundredth time to think of what on earth was going through his head as he whispered the words to her. Maybe it had been a moment of carelessness that caused him to do it, that freedom he had had when he was a young boy.

If he were to admit the truth to himself, it had been all because he felt compelled to do it. The excitement that coursed through him at the mere glance at her face brought out a happiness that had been unknown to him. Sure, he hadn't stopped thinking about her since their first encounter but that was not why his feet were taking him back to the slums where, hoping against hope, she would pass by again like she had done the previous evening.

Yes, he wanted to see her. Yes, he was anxious to talk to her. He knew for a fact, though, that it was not sheer attraction that mesmerized him. No, that wasn't all of it. Bella brought out a side of him that he never knew existed for himself. A side that was ethical and moral and brought out the human who was no longer dormant inside of him. She was the catalyst that made him a new Edward and he felt terrified to have that thought.

He stood for an immeasurable amount of time waiting for her, almost giving up when the stars began to appear. And anyway, he was hungry and the only way to cope with that would be to go back home and eat Esme's delicious food.

But then, he heard the faint tapping of the shoes and then the silhouette of a woman. With his head leaning against the bricks of the old building and his arms folded across his chest, he watched as the figure of Bella emerged. His heart sped up at the sight of her and he hated the feeling.

She was speaking into her cell phone in a heated tone though her voice was still quiet. "Jacob, I'm fine."

Jacob on the other side answered and Bella became angrier. She heaved a sigh. "Look, last night I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. They didn't harm me in any way. In fact, there was this man who made sure to keep me protected."

A ghost of a smile reached Edward's face. Bella was talking about him.

"Will you please tell Ness to calm down? Nothing happened. I would tell you if anything was wrong."

The man called Jacob seemed to be apologizing because Bella's face softened. When she spoke again though, her voice had a bit of steel in it. "Goodbye, Jacob."

She snapped the phone shut. In her stride, Edward could see the annoyance that was radiating around her. Seeing Bella was different from thinking about her. He wanted to make sure that he was making the right choice by introducing himself to someone like Bella.

In front of his eyes Edward could see Carlisle staring back at him with a disapproving glare. He knew he would be forgiven by his kind father for the atrocious act he was about to commit but for once, he didn't care what Carlisle thought or what Emmett thought or what the whole world thought. It was his decision and no one except himself had control over that. That all depended, though, on Bella's willingness.

He moved quietly so that he was in her line of sight.

As soon as Bella saw him, her palms turned to ice and she stopped moving immediately. She realized she should have used the subway. It was only evident that he would be waiting for her. After all, he couldn't have forgotten about his threat. If only, the school had allowed everyone to be dismissed from the building for the day so that the bomb squad could do their searching. But again, luck was not on her side.

She watched cautiously as he took more steps toward her, a haughty smile on his face. He was wearing a black turtleneck sweater with a matching leather jacket on top, looking immaculate as if he weren't a gangster at all. The anger rose within her and she narrowed her eyes. Fear was no longer prevalent but something in the back of her mind said that whatever she was doing was not a good idea at all. Bella ignored the aggravating voice. If this Edward was a gangster, he would have to dress like one. Giving the world a false representation of himself would cause a lot of problems.

Once he was standing right in front of her, the first thing she noticed was his smile. It was not arrogant. It was crooked, wistful, as if an internal battle were raging in him. For the second time, he looked vulnerable and it was difficult for Bella to think that the man standing in front of her now was ugly. She somehow managed it, though.

"I have to apologize," he began, his voice strained like he was struggling to say the words, "for what I said earlier today. I'm not about to kill you, Bella. Trust me on that." He chuckled but the sound was off.

Bella was momentarily dazed by his voice and the sound of his laughter. She had only ever heard him speak when he whispered and now that he actually talked, his voice was low and melodic and probably the best sound she had heard in a while.

When she didn't answer, he glanced up from the dirt he had been observing. "I'm sorry if that didn't sound genuine. I don't usually have to apologize to people. That's not in my nature."

His words brought back the full force of her exasperation. Did he really expect her to forget everything as if nothing had even happened? "You're really full of yourself, aren't you?"

Edward laughed, trying to lighten the suddenly tense atmosphere. But Bella didn't waver. She kept the grimace in place and mentally rejoiced at the fact that she wasn't scared.

"I don't know who you think you are but would you please just leave me alone?" she asked bitingly. "I don't care if you're rich and you always get what you want. I have nothing to do with you."

But you have everything to do with me, Edward wanted to say. However, he knew that that wouldn't bode well with Bella. Somehow, she wasn't like the Tanyas of the world. That thought made him grin. He had never been challenged before. Everything was always natural to him. Bella would renew some of the excitement he lacked in his life with the Cullen family.

She started to walk again, knowing that it would do no good to go home with Edward so close. He was practically stalking her. Bella watched in disdain as he walked backwards with her, always watching her face.

"Just leave me alone," she shot out. "My life is complicated enough. I don't need you to trouble me any further."

Then, she made the mistake of looking at his face. It was tender and knowing and again Bella couldn't help notice how handsome he was. She shook her head, trying to be discreet but his face was engraved into her mind.

The pain she had seen the night before as he pummeled James was back on his face. The same expression that had made him look like a young boy who was utterly helpless and felt defeated. It was a look that she knew all too well.

There was something about him that he kept hidden and she was surprised to realize that she wanted to know what was actually bothering him. Bella knew she should hate him but the more she looked into that face, the more her justified hatred subsided.

"Bella, look. I really am sorry about what happened last night. It's just that you were here and I was here and being around this place during the evening isn't safe. I panicked and did the first thing that came to mind." His eyes peered at her bandaged hand and narrowed. "I felt irritated to say the least. I usually don't have to protect anyone during fights like those.

"And then, you clearly stated what you thought of me. When I saw you earlier today, I did the only thing that came to mind. I threatened you but I had no intention of acting on it. You have to know that. I just don't want you to hold a grudge. Maybe the best thing to do is start over and forget everything. Believe me."

Bitter memories seeped through Bella's thoughts. _Believe me._ The phrase was nothing but two measly words that should've meant nothing to her but after hearing them, she could feel the tears in her eyes. She forced them in, gritting her teeth. The words "believe" and "trust" were no longer part of her vocabulary.

"What do you say?"

Bella turned her head away, willing her tears to not spill over. She would not allow Edward to see her cry.

"Are you all right?" he asked her quietly.

Her voice was muffled when she answered. "I'm fine."

Edward didn't say anything in return but she knew he was watching her warily. She kept her face in a mask that she was afraid would fall at any second. His relentless eyes were reading her in a way that made her uncomfortable, like he was about to unlock her secret.

"You're crying," he said. His words were not a question.

"No, I'm not," she answered pitifully but the tears that fell from her face betrayed her words.

In that instant, Edward knew. She had her own monsters in her life. Whether it was in her past or her present, he was determined to find out.

"What's wrong?" he whispered. If he spoke any louder, the calm air that had settled around them would break.

"Nothing is wrong, Edward." She didn't mean it. Even to herself, she could hear every facet of the lie.

A thrill shot through Edward and he felt ashamed. Something was clearly bothering her and yet the only thing that registered in his mind was the way she'd said his name.

"You can tell me," he probed.

At his insistence, Bella said everything that was rising inside of her. If he wanted to know, then he would get the whole despicable truth. "Last night, you told me to trust you. Today, you tell me to believe you. In my life, every time those two words have been uttered, I was the one who was always betrayed.

"You're nothing but a stranger to me and after everything that's happened, you expect me to forgive you? Tell me, how many people have benefited with you in their lives? How many people have smiled at you and thanked you for what you do? Because to me, you are nothing but a killing machine.

"So my answer to you, is no. I do not want to start over. You've already made your impression on me very clear."

Bella turned her head away from him and took a deep breath. It felt good to let that all out. Her head steadily became lucid and a grin crept its way onto her face.

"I'm sorry," he said again. His words burned with an intense fervor. "I… I didn't know you felt that way."

When she turned back to look at him, his face was expressionless, cold. His green eyes were no longer shining. They were dull, dead as if her words had hurt him.

Bella swallowed tightly as she stared at him. Edward was careful to avert his eyes away from her probing face. The silence between them grew. Bella didn't know exactly when they had both stopped walking but she started up again, anything to get away from the sight of his face.

She was aware of Edward still standing behind her, his gaze lifeless. As if it were an instinct, the guilt coursed through her. She couldn't deny that her words had been harsh but as she went over them in her head, she noticed how hateful they were. She wouldn't have been surprised if he were burning holes into the back of her head.

Trying to tell herself that he deserved it was hopeless because in the end, he hadn't exactly done anything wrong. It wasn't his fault she saw her violent past whenever she looked into his face. It wasn't his fault that his type was the cause of her trauma. And yet, it was all his fault because people like him existed in the world.

Bella walked aimlessly through the streets, her head filled with thoughts of Edward and her past. She didn't even notice that her injured hand was fisted so tightly that the gauze around it was wet with blood. Bella begrudgingly decided it would be best to go back to the hospital.

Meanwhile, Edward stood there behind her with his eyebrows furrowed and the anguish etched all over in his stance. At that moment, he decided that he had made the wrong choice. Even Bella wouldn't understand and suddenly he could think of only one thing to do. He felt sure that the new Edward couldn't exist in the messed up world where he lived and so, he would have to suppress that new facet of himself.

He went to Carlisle. He walked straight through the hospital doors, ignoring the eyes ogling him. As his palm landed on the knob to Carlisle's office, he froze. He realized that the last thing any sane man who knew Carlisle would not go to him for help in a situation like this. Because then, his worst nightmare would come true. If Carlisle found out that Edward was still thinking the way that wasn't allowed for him but was inevitable anyway, Carlisle would do something rash. Edward cringed at the thought of his family getting hurt because even though the good doctor was compassionate, he was a dangerous man.

Another plan formulated itself in his head and Edward found himself turning the knob. Carlisle was sitting at his desk, talking pleasantly on the phone. When he saw Edward, his grin brightened and he ushered his son over to a recliner in front of his desk. Sitting in the chair made him feel formal and stiff, like he wasn't Dr. Cullen's favorite son at all.

As Carlisle talked, Edward looked at the walls covered with plaques and certificates that indicated all of Carlisle's achievements. An unexpected wave of envy coursed through his veins. He resisted the urge to throw them on the floor and set them on fire as he watched Carlisle's success become nothing but ash.

Carlisle had everything he wanted in life. Esme was a perfect mother but she was the good doctor's trophy wife. Alice and Jasper were the last of his children and yet they had made a private living with each other. Emmett was fast taking the same route as them and soon the only person alone and lonely would be Edward.

"So Edward, what brings you here to the hospital on this fine evening?" Carlisle asked, folding his hands together and pulling Edward out of his reverie.

Edward resisted the urge to grimace at Carlisle's cheerful tone. There wasn't a thing that was fine about this evening. "Nothing of importance." And then, he blurted out the words he never would have thought he would be brave enough to say. "I was wondering if it would be a good idea to resume my graduate program on medicine."

There wasn't a doubt in his mind why those words came out of his mouth but he was surprised that his voice didn't quiver when he uttered them in the good doctor's presence.

Carlisle's smile was brighter than before. "That is an excellent idea, Edward. It would prepare you for things in the future and it would be an asset to the family. Continuing your studies would be more than beneficial for you."

And that was exactly what Edward had wanted to hear. He wanted to be known as Edward Cullen or rather Edward Masen, MD, instead of always being called Carlisle Cullen's son. He was a man and with a surge of embarrassment, realized that he was a man dependent on his adoptive father. The thought made him feel completely pathetic.

"Thanks, Carlisle. When would you prefer me to start?" He ran his hand through his hair.

"As soon as you can. I know you have your degrees and I can get you a place in the program since it started just about a week ago." The glint in his eyes became gentle and speculative. "You know, I was talking to a patient of mine about you, about how she reminds me of you."

Edward wasn't sure whether he should have laughed or scowled. Instead, he kept his face stoic. "Is she masculine or am I feminine?"

"Neither," Carlisle answered and shrugged, stifling a chuckle. "We were discussing some things and then you became the main focus. She came to me yesterday after claiming she scraped her knuckles on concrete. Her hand was quite the sight. "

His eyes widened at Carlisle's words. Where had he seen a person with a hand wrapped in gauze? With a wave of nausea came the realization. Bella was his patient?

"Bella Swan," Carlisle said, shaking his head, oblivious to Edward's stone figure. "She's one of my favorite patients."

His phone rang then and Edward stood, trying to keep his face relaxed. "I'll see you at home."

Carlisle grinned, nodded and held the phone up to his ear. "Dr. Carlisle Cullen speaking."

Edward was almost about to step out of the office when the good doctor's rarely cold tone spoke up. "What are you doing in the hospital?"

Who was talking to Carlisle, Edward had no clue.

"I will not tolerate this. You have no right to be here right now, putting all my patients' lives in danger. They _are_ human, after all."

Then, Edward heard the smooth voice on the other side and his eyes narrowed. Of all the places _they_ could have gone to, did they have to enter the hospital where there were both the living and his father? Couldn't they have gone to a reclusive island from where they couldn't ever escape?

Deciding that the best idea would be to just leave, Edward opened the door and walked out. He wondered if it would be best to let Carlisle handle this abrupt turn of events alone or if he should be there to clears things out so that Carlisle didn't even have to see their faces at all.

Then two things happened simultaneously. He saw the three brothers walking toward him from one side of the hall and then there was Bella Swan, holding her injured hand close to her chest, a look of pure pain on her face on the other side. At that, Edward panicked and then felt the fury rise within him. The brothers didn't seem to notice him at all. So he took the chance and grabbed Bella by her shoulder and pulled her into a secluded room.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked her, furious, irrational. "Of all the places you could have gone, you just had to come here, didn't you?"

Bella stood near a chair in the gloomy room. She looked like a small kid that had gotten caught stealing a cookie from a jar before dinner. In her eyes though, he could see the anger unleashing itself.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked through clenched teeth. "Are you telling me what to do now?"

Edward tilted his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose. Maybe it would have fared better if he had decided to talk to the brothers instead of Bella. "No, Bella. I've just been saying all the wrong things today and right now, I'm a bit stressed. So you'll have to excuse the attitude."

Her eyes flickered to the door and then back to his face. "What's going on? You look as if something wrong is happening."

"You're not very far from guessing correctly. Look, Bella. I'm going to be honest with you. There are some very dangerous men in the building and this is the last place where you want to be right now." He strained a hard laugh, wondering how she could even tolerate so much traumatic occurrences in the last two days. He had to admit to himself that she was definitely a strong girl.

He expected the tears to fall, expected her to curse her bad luck but she only sighed, shocking him. With a look at Bella's demeanor, another revelation hit him. She accepted all the pain in her life, whereas he clearly couldn't come to terms with his own.

She noticed his shock. "That was bound to happen sooner or later. Right now, I just need to see Dr. Cullen so that I can get my hand rewrapped." He watched in astonishment as she held up her bloodied hand and smiled at him sheepishly.

She'd said the good doctor's name, making the unreal become a reality for him and that hurt. Because whether Bella knew it or not, she was already associating herself with tainted people and Carlisle Cullen was worse than Edward Cullen, himself.

"Here," he said. "I'll wrap up your hand." However, before he could even walk toward the counter where the gauze was located, he heard their voices. Everything in him froze. He searched Bella's confused face, feeling the panic in his own. In that moment, he vowed that Bella would not see his ugly side this time.

"Stay away from the window," he instructed as Bella nodded. "Make sure you aren't seen."

He pulled open the door to the room and took a deep breath. He warily watched as the three brothers turned to face him, their faces alight with surprise.

"Aro. Caius. Marcus." He greeted them with a curt nod of his head, his tone formal yet partially cordial. His hand wrapped tightly around the revolver in the pocket of his jacket. "I would prefer it if you all didn't take another step further towards Carlisle's office."

**reviews make me grin like a fool**


	5. memories

**my apologies for getting this chapter out so late. the reviews for the last chapter were awesome and i hope you guys keep it up. i'm really glad you are all enjoying this story and i promise that questions will be answered gradually. this is an all human story.**

**disclaimer- twilight, new moon, eclipse and breaking dawn belong to stephenie meyer and so do the characters**

**warning- this chapter is highly confusing and i've already been told that but it is necessary for this story. so read this with an open mind**

"Edward, how wonderful to finally see you again!" Aro exclaimed though Edward would call this abrupt meeting far from wonderful. The smile on Aro's face sickened him.

"What are you doing here?" Edward bit out in a cold voice and his fingers tightened even further around the revolver. He could hear the force behind his words but his palm was sweating from his nerves.

Why here? Why now? Why Carlisle? He hadn't done anything wrong. He hadn't made a twisted pact with these sickening men. If they couldn't see Edward's nervous tension then they must've been a lot more thickheaded than he had originally thought.

Caius, who had been curiously examining the door behind Edward, turned to him. "Why do you think we've come to Carlisle's hospital all the way from Italy?"

Noticing Caius's glance at the door, Edward, in the most casual way possible, leaned against it, hoping that Bella would stay hidden and not hear a single word that was being uttered. He didn't want to be the cause of another accident for her. Feeling anger and hostility and anxious right now was satisfactory but guilt and self hatred due to Bella was already too tiring.

"Well, since I told you three to keep your distance from the continental US, I thought you might have mistaken this place for Antarctica," Edward stated.

"You're real funny, Edward," Caius answered dryly. "In fact, you're so funny that I can't even stop laughing."

Edward resisted the urge to roll his eyes and slam one of the brothers into a wall. "The deal is off if you keep this up. Working up the courage to even talk to Carlisle is hard enough."

He could remember back to the day he had signed the contract in Italy when he was first sent there to deal with some business. He had no idea that the task they had laid out for him was going to be so difficult. Carlisle was just like the rest of the mafia maybe even worse but there was decency in him that Edward had not expected and he couldn't kill a good man. He knew, however, that he had to do it whether it tortured him or not. He was tired of living the life he was subjected to. He sure hadn't chosen it and he was not going to continue on with it for the rest of his forsaken existence.

"Look, we've been waiting a long time for this." Caius was seething but Aro put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You promised us four weeks and now it's been two months. Just admit that you can't do it and we'll finish this task on our own right here, right now."

Edward wanted to scream, to yell, to do anything that would catch Carlisle's attention and get him out of the building immediately but he couldn't do any of that because_ he_ was at fault.

"Give me one more month and I'll have him out of your way." Saying those words made everything sound so final and revolting. Edward could taste the bitterness those words brought.

"Just one more month before we intervene again," Aro said in a calm voice. "Oh, and make sure to tell Emmett to get the dope to us as soon as possible. We've got a few angry costumers with the Cullen boys missing the mark."

Edward couldn't help but make a disgusted face. Nonetheless, he nodded his head and had they not been in a hospital, he would've killed them.

"Remember, Edward. You don't work for Carlisle anymore. You work for us," Marcus stated in a bored voice.

The anger was in full force now. Who were they to treat him like some common scum? "I don't work for anyone except myself. The contract isn't legitimate until I say so, so I suggest you keep those kinds of comments to yourself because perhaps you might not get what you want."

For the first time, Caius didn't have a scowl on his face. He was sniggering and Edward wanted to punch it right off of him. "You have to realize that this task is fairly easy and can wholly be done without your help. You're only a beginner and who cares about a measly scrap of paper?"

"That sheet of paper dictates everything and I can clearly protect Carlisle from your waning efforts if need be. I may be a beginner but I have the smarts that you three will always lack."

The atmosphere was rigid and the brothers' faces were stone cold. They didn't say anything to the smug Edward in front of them. Then, without another word, they walked away. As they passed the door to Carlisle's office, Edward held his breath and could have sworn their pace had slowed down. He followed after them, making sure they weren't planning on doing something only Italian mafias would do.

When they were out of the building and their car had driven off, Edward breathed out a sigh of relief he didn't know he had been holding. As he walked back to aid Bella, he watched Carlisle approaching him with a tense smile on his face. The guilt burnt Edward like blue flames.

"Where are they?" Carlisle questioned. "They said they were in the building."

"I drove them off with mindless banter and humorous threats," Edward lied. "They won't be bothering us for a while."

"Did they say as to why they were here?"

"Yes. They wanted to make sure Emmett had their drugs ready." At least that was truthful.

Carlisle chuckled. "They came all this way just for that? Haven't they heard of phone calls and emails?"

Edward couldn't help but grin in return. These were the father and son moments Edward had yearned for with his own biological dad. "Apparently, they were bored with Italian life and wanted to do some sightseeing."

Carlisle grinned again. "Well, son. I'll see you later. I've got a patient waiting for me. Oh, and we'll discuss your medical program in more detail at home." He comfortingly patted Edward on the shoulder and walked away.

Running a hand through his hair, Edward walked out into the cool night, acutely aware of the fact that Bella was still inside waiting for him. He needed, right now, the opportunity to clear his head.

There were so many things going on in his life, so many things that were wrong in his life. He wished he were still Elizabeth's eight year old boy, holding her hand as they walked to the school where Edward was the rare child who was eager to learn.

He thought back to all the times where he would sit alone on a swing as he held up a tattered book copy during recess and all the kids would taunt him for being such a nerd. He could remember the countless number of times he ran crying home into his mother's arms that had always been his sanctuary. Every time he needed comfort, she was there for him and every time she needed his care, he would go up to her and wrap his small hands around hers and tell her everything would be all right even if he knew as a young boy that Elizabeth wouldn't be with him forever, that his time with her was limited.

And that was the life Edward Masen had led, a life Edward Cullen desperately wanted back.

--

Bella sat on the uncomfortable chair, glancing through the aged magazines. It was the second time this week she was in a hospital, a new record. Somehow though, she didn't feel the urge to congratulate herself.

She could no longer hear Edward's voice and idly wondered whether or not he had forgotten about her. That wouldn't have been much of a surprise.

The thought made Bella halt in her tracks. She chanted to herself that she was going to give him another chance because she knew he deserved it.

She didn't notice when the door creaked open and Edward stood in front of her, still clad in his designer clothes. He had a gentle smile plastered on his face and was staring directly into her eyes. The intensity in them was unnerving to her.

"I apologize for taking up so much of your time." His words sounded formal, far from the tone he had taken earlier. "I had to go out for a bit."

Bella wanted to glare at him. She wanted to tell him that her time did not revolve around his desires. She didn't do any of that, though because she was attempting to give him another opportunity.

"That's all right," she replied, putting away the magazine.

Edward pulled up a chair and sat in front of her. "Let's get this started, shall we?"

With care, he lifted her injured hand and examined it. Bella expected to feel pain but there was a startling electricity that tracked through the both of them.

Apparently, Edward had felt it as well for he stared at their adjoined hands for a few sluggish seconds in awe before he murmured "I'm sorry" to her.

He handled her as if she were made of thin ice or porcelain china. As he pulled on a pair of latex gloves, Bella marveled at how simple and natural this seemed to him. He placed her hand back in both of his and unwrapped the bloodied gauze. Bella squeezed her eyes shut and Edward couldn't stop the entertained twitch that was threatening to break free from the corner of his mouth.

"You're not very fond of hospital procedures, are you?" he guessed.

Bella shook her head and furrowed her eyebrows, still keeping her eyes closed. "I'm not into things like medical drugs, needles or blood."

"Ah," Edward answered. "You can try to quash your fear if you want. Just watch me and you'll realize how easy this is." He then stood and walked over to a small cupboard, pulling out items that brought bile up into Bella's throat.

"That's difficult for me. I was raised to hate hospitals," Bella said in a defensive tone.

The seriousness behind her comical words bemused Edward. "Why is that?"

"Because the doctor's office was my worst best friend during my childhood and…"

"…So you've been scarred for life," Edward finished, a small chuckle escaping.

There was something about the way he talked that forced her to forget everything that had happened in the last few days. Bella saw a real smile on his face, one that she found to be quite amiable. Had he not lived the lifestyle she loathed then maybe they could have been friends.

When he was back in front of her again, he washed her fingers delicately and dried them with a towel. Her knuckles were a brighter red than before.

Edward laughed. "Well, it looks like you gave them quite a punishment. What were you doing when this happened?"

She could only hesitate. The question was an easy one to answer but she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. For the first time, they were getting along and she didn't want the mood to change. So she lied like earlier. "I fell earlier when I was walking and my hand hit concrete."

"You're a horrible liar," he said. "But I know it's not my place to ask."

From a kit, Edward pulled out something shiny that looked oddly like a needle. Bella tried to snatch her hand away but Edward's grip held firm. "Hold still, Bella."

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I was planning on giving you a surgical suture but it seems that the stitches won't stay in place." He sighed. "So I guess it's back to the gauze. Which won't actually help you much."

"Have you ever done this before?" she asked in a cautious tone as he wrapped the gauze around her fingers far more times than he needed to. "You act like you know your way around a hospital."

Edward looked up from her pale skin and smiled at her. "I was a medical student before I began my current…lifestyle, if you will. I'm resuming my studies soon enough."

"So you're going to be a doctor?" she probed.

"Hopefully." He flashed her a brilliant grin. "And when I graduate from med school, you can call me Dr. Masen."

"Edward Masen," Bella sounded out. Somehow, his last name didn't fit. Edward didn't seem like he was a Masen at all.

"If you don't mind me asking, could you tell me why you moved to Manhattan?" he asked conversationally, smiling at how his name sounded through Bella. "You don't seem like a woman who grew up here or even enjoys being in New York for that matter."

Bella looked at the expression on his face, watching for any signs that would give away a facet of the curiosity behind Edward's words. She wanted to see some type of diabolical motive but as she continued observing him, the only emotion she could see was genuine interest.

She didn't want to tell him a single word of her tragic life story. In the end, with a surreptitious groan, she complied, telling herself that it didn't matter anymore. Her whole life was messed up anyway and at least having someone know about it would probably ease some of her pent up tension.

"My life has been difficult," she started, biting her bottom lip. "I moved here to give myself another chance, to start afresh. I was born in the Northwest but moved to the Valley of the Sun after a few years with my mother. My dad stayed in Washington."

Washington. Edward felt his teeth snap together.

A gunfire in the rain…sirens calling…the two dead bodies…a young boy crying…blood…so much blood…orphaned…

He willed his tight eyes to stay open. The traitorous tears wouldn't dare fall in front of her because she was exactly who he was searching for. The one person he was justified to do what he had originally planned, he could hardly even touch. It angered him so bad. His teeth mashed together were hard enough to cut through steel.

Edward could see Carlisle only minutes earlier, saying her name. Bella Swan. That was it.

"My mom was a great woman but she was never the kind of person I could be in sync with. Whenever my teachers asked me who my role model was, I couldn't say my parents like the rest of them. I was honest and told them that I didn't have one," she recalled bitterly, oblivious to Edward's dilemma.

"And then my mom started to become strangely distant with me. When I asked her what was wrong, she sent me back to my dad, who didn't have any time allotted for me. He was working on a drug bust that had to do with a small family living just outside of Forks-that was the town where we lived."

Small family, Edward thought. My small family.

And he'd had enough. He quickly cut off the extra gauze and tied it together around Bella's hand in a forceful way. Ignoring her anguished and shocked expression, he was out the door, running through the halls, uncaring as to who was watching him and what they were thinking of him. The fun was about to start.

How he could have ever thought of Bella Swan as his kindred spirit, he would never know.

--

The night was teeming with life. Clubs in every corner were shaking with the heavy bass of the music. Everywhere, people were standing in the streets, some talking to friends, others on their cell phones. It was freezing and yet people couldn't seem to care at all.

Edward could only just remember his dull teenage years, most of which he had spent in the public library after every dinner when his dad decided to throw him out of the house. That was the only time he would permit himself to cry.

None of that mattered anymore. There was no one he could tell that would listen about his late night excursions where he punched the wall and cried. For his mother, his father and mostly for himself. No one who wouldn't call him a wimp.

Edward saw a drunken woman almost get run over by a car. When the driver stopped in time, the man ran out and asked the woman in horror if she was okay. All she could do was laugh and say, "Never better."

He grinned at the sight. Bloody perfect. Everything wrong in the world was right again.

He stood in the alleyway going unnoticed. Inane thoughts whizzed through his mind at an alarming rate but none of it mattered. No one cared what Edward thought and he snickered, waiting for the perfect opportunity. Sooner or later one of them would walk by to satisfy him.

After a few minutes of glancing at his watch, a horde of people walked out onto the road. His eyes targeted someone. Just barely, he could make out the silhouette of a young woman with long mahogany hair. She was wearing jeans, high pumps and a small jacket over her unnoticeable shirt. He could almost feel her hair brush his face; she was strutting dangerously close to him. There was a small grin on her tan face and when she saw him, her smile widened but there was definitely a hint of a blush.

"Hey," he whispered, wrapping his arm around her slim waist and pulling her to him.

Her eyes were glistening with excitement and lust. She replied, "Hi. I'm Heidi and you're gorgeous."

Resisting the urge to laugh at her lame pick up line, he answered in a low voice, "Edward Cullen."

Heidi lifted her perfect hand and sifted it through his hair. She couldn't hide the comfort that routed its way through her veins when her mind registered the softness and fluidity she felt.

"What are you doing alone when there're so many places to go?" she asked, pressing her lips to his ear. "Like back to my place or to yours."

Edward groaned into her slender neck and tightened his grip around her. "Where do you prefer we go?" he whispered.

She didn't answer and tried to press her lips to his throat but he pulled his head away, the smell of alcohol nauseating him. Instead, he allowed his hands to roam through her hair, ghosting over her neck and down her arms.

"You're trying to play it safe, aren't you?" She laughed.

"Maybe," he stated coyly. "But maybe you're nothing but a toy to me."

"I wouldn't mind that," she answered, shameless.

He chuckled and pushed her roughly against the brick wall. Heidi hissed in gratitude. Edward pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. Heidi couldn't ignore how handsome he was and the lust flowed through her freely.

"Are you new in town? I haven't seen you around."

Edward chortled at the idiocy of her question. This was Manhattan. No one knew anybody else. "Well, I've seen you." He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "It wasn't easy to choose someone so hot."

She didn't question his intention and that made things all the better for him.

A group of teenagers whooped, forcing the two of them to pull away from each other, ruining the mood for them.

"Do you want to go back to my apartment?" Heidi asked.

"Lead the way." Edward motioned for her to walk in front of him.

There was a smug smirk pulling at the end of her lips. "You like the view from back there?" she called.

Feeling tired of the repetitive flirtation, Edward turned his head away, willing for the wind to fall against his face. The phone vibrated in his pocket for the fifteenth time. He overlooked it again. Who cared if Esme or Alice was looking for him?

I'm doing them a favor by not being home, he thought. They wouldn't want me to go home like this. I would embarrass them.

"Edward?"

"Not particularly. No. It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"What?" She turned her head with a playful look. "You definitely know how to fuel a woman up."

"I'm not attracted to you, Heidi. As I said earlier, you're only my plaything."

She didn't understand the truth behind his words, acting fake like so many others. There was something so pathetic and obnoxious about her that Edward couldn't help but think that maybe he was drunk when he had chosen her.

They walked farther away from the crowded streets until Heidi led them into a small, clean neighborhood where identical houses were lined with perfect lawns. It was silent except for the tapping of their feet and a recurring scratch from one of the houses.

Edward thought nothing of the sound at first.

Heidi stopped all of a sudden and Edward wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he whispered in a husky voice into her ear. "You're ready for this, aren't you?"

She giggled like a schoolgirl and then her breath hitched when she felt Edward's face pressed into her hair. Their pace quickened towards Heidi's house until Edward heard the irritating scratch again. His teeth snapped together while his free hand dug into his jeans pocket to circle around the revolver.

He swiveled his head until he could see the only house with its front porch light on with a young woman sitting on a swing, reading a book.

All the memories came rushing back. Edward, as he sat on the tattered swing, reading a book while the other students pointed and laughed. Edward, as he ran into Elizabeth's arms, his weak body wracking with heavy sobs. Edward, letting Elizabeth whisper her endearment and affection into his ears. Then there was her body, being carried away after the trigger had been pulled accidentally by the officer. He had promised the safety on the gun was latched but it all a lie. The chief's eyes were only filled with half remorse.

How he hated that man, that despicable Chief of Police. Charlie Swan.

Bella Swan. Bella Swan. BELLA Swan.

Edward pulled the revolver roughly out of his pocket and aimed it right at Heidi.

Her scream was muffled by his hand. The rest of the neighborhood stayed eerily quiet.

"Stop it, Edward!" a chiming voice thundered from behind him. "You're going to hurt someone!"

Twisting his head in the direction of Alice's voice, he sneered, "Can you believe it, Alice?"

"Believe what, Edward?" she asked cautiously. "If you put the gun down, you can tell me."

The laugh that resonated from him was menacing and tortured. "Honestly, Alice. I don't see why you have to treat me like an insolent child. Because I am very aware of what I'm about to do."

"And what are you about to do, Edward?" Emmett called. "Take the life of this innocent woman?"

"Innocent," Edward scoffed. "She's no more innocent than I am a criminal."

There was a vigorous tug on Edward's jacket that sent him sprawling towards the ground. Emmett had shoved him as hard as he could. However, that didn't stop Edward. He caught his fall and righted himself. When he looked back at where Heidi's dark hair had been blowing, all he could see was a faint leaf falling in a precarious way.

He stood, then, his face sneering at Alice and Emmett's bewildered appearances. His face was florid from his rage.

"What's gotten into you?" A small tear escaped from the corner of Alice's eye from the worry of her brother's wellbeing. "What's wrong?"

Edward took brisk steps up to her and violently shook her shoulders. "What do you think is wrong with me, Alice?"

Even as he said the words in his hateful tone, he could feel his walls crumbling, his world spiraling out of control. That side of him he thought, no hoped, had existed, was only a figment of his imagination. No matter how much he tried to think about morality and no matter how many times he tried to associate goodness with himself, he couldn't do it because lies couldn't ever be morphed into truths.

Edward wasn't good and that was an aspect of himself he wouldn't ever be able to hide or change and he knew he wasn't ready to accept that as a fact.

He was too far gone, too addicted to being the man he was now. That new Edward he had been excited to become would always be at arm's length, never close enough to reach. The memory of Edward Masen would eventually fade.

That thought saddened him. He was trying so hard to be good and none of it would matter in the end and it was all Bella Swan's fault even if she had no idea of it.

"Edward?"

His gaze roamed over to Emmett who recoiled at the wicked malice glinting in Edward's green eyes.

"What's wrong with you?" Alice asked. "Why are you being so bitter?"

"Haven't I always been bitter? My life's so deranged and it's all because of that girl and I didn't even know she existed."

Alice huffed in frustration. "Stop being so cryptic. What on earth are you talking about? Who is this girl?"

Emmett's eyes narrowed in concentration and then widened. "Wait a second. Are you talking about that woman from two nights ago?"

"What about her, Edward?" Alice's voice took on such a calming melody that the rage spewed out of him. When he didn't answer, Alice asked again. "What does she have to do with you?"

"She's part of the reason why the last twenty years of my life have been Hell." His tone was quiet and low, taking a deadly turn. "The other part of the reason was her stupid father but I can't kill him like I want to! Like he deserves! Because he's gone forever and it just hurts so badly."

His knees gave out and he fell to the ground, bowing his head forward in shame. His eyes closed. He barely mouthed his words. "She ruined my life and doesn't even know it and I can't do anything because she's good. She's so good."

Hearing himself say that, Carlisle's words ran through him. Those who commit crimes do not deserve their lives if they don't understand how valuable life actually is.

Edward laughed dryly. Bella Swan definitely knew the value of life. She had enough respect for it to stay away from Edward.

"I live like this because her father killed my mother. My innocent and perfect mother. Can you believe it?" he hissed acidly. "All because he wanted reputation in a suffocating town.

"And now every day, I go around trying to find lowlifes like him, when all I have to do is kill Bella to get rid of all the Swans.

"I'm going to kill her one day when I have the will. The day right and wrong cease to exist for me, I'll end her life."

Then his eyes rolled back and he could see no more but there was a moment when he heard Alice scream and saw Elizabeth's face smiling back at him.

**leave a review and let me know what you think. if you want an explanation for the events of this chapter, let me know in your review. i promise that many things will be cleared up in upcoming chapters. also, i hope you realize the peculiar difference between Edward Cullen and Edward Masen**


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